My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
