dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
