i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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