New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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