I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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