My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
