There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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