I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
