So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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