Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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