just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
