if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
bring money and cleavage
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
