So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
