Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
