I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
