i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
