she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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