Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
a search helicopter?!
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
