im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
That was before I lit my hair on fire
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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