no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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