I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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