it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
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