I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
