just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
