genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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