I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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