If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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