i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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