why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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