she was so not down for the gang bang
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If I die, sorry about rent.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
