Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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