Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
