I've blown a few things in my day
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
