Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
