And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
