I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
