woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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