Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
In other news, I just burned my penis
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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