I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
