Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
