Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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