OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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