yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
