Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize