The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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