Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
