I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
