saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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