I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
