so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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