He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
