for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
