My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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