Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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