he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
