her vagine was all disorganized.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
His nipple licking is glorious
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