My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
