why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just invented taco cereal.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Randomize
