Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
