And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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