Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
