I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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