I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
