Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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