Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
