i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
