So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize