Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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