they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Can't talk, ducks in the car
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
