turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
