Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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