so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
