There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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