i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
