you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
