I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
