Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I faked an abortion last night.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
